a victory

I've been thinking about writing this post for a long time but I never felt ready. Now, I'm ready.

My kid was kicked out of daycare. Twice. There...I finally said it.

When all of this shook down over a year ago, our world was turned upside down. First, one daycare sprung the news on us when we had never really been alerted to what they referred to as a growing issue. On a few occasions, a teacher would mention some normal incident that one would expect in a room full of three-year-olds, but nothing that led us to believe that there was an ongoing problem in the classroom. As they basically showed us the door that day, they were sure to label my loving child as "aggressive". In a way, we were thrilled to be leaving, because we had been less than satisfied with that center from the get-go and were on waiting lists at several other locations. On the other hand, it would have been nice to leave on our own terms.

At that point, we were able to get into one of the centers we had been eyeing. They didn't have room where they needed it for Sam, but said they could place him with the next class up and just not move him up when the others moved up. I hated the idea of that because here was this kid who had been moved to a new state, a new home, a new daycare, now another new daycare and, in another 6 weeks, would have a new set of kids in his world when he would just be getting used to the ones he was about to meet. But, we were kind of stuck...had to take the offer or continue to struggle with balancing work in the midst of daycare limbo.

At the second center, I shared my concerns. I let them know of the issues the other center had informed us of as they were escorting us out. I made them aware that I wanted daily updates and detailed reports and even phone calls at work if they thought it was necessary for me to talk to him. They seemed sensitive to our concerns.

But, as the months rolled on, our stresses mounted. I was receiving calls at work several times a day...it started to feel like we were constantly focusing on the bad and no one was telling him when he was doing something good. At the same time, they were diverting to me too often and establishing no authority over him. We suggested reward systems, which he would talk about excitedly at home, but they weren't being stuck with at school. Comparisons were being made to other children...expectations were high...three-year-olds were expected to follow the routines and lesson plans of a kindergartener.

When the center suggested that we consult a behavioral specialist, we agreed, because we did not want to have to switch centers again...we wanted to maintain a constant in his life that had not had a constant for several months since we had moved. The behavoiral specialist suggested that it wasn't behavioral, but sensory, and then referred us to an occupational therapist for an evaluation. We agreed, again needing to stick with it, but with underlying doubt that that was the right move.

The occupational therapist diagnosed him in the gray area between "developmental immaturity" and "sensory processing disorder". She said he definitely had some sensory "quirks" going on which was not news to us. Multisensory processing was amongst the quirks. If there were several things going on in the same area, he had a hard time bringing his focus down to one thing. On the other hand, though, once he did bring his focus down, he was overfocusing which led to him missing social cues which led to outbursts.

These were all things we knew and had adapted to at home and his old sitter in Ohio had adapted to in her home. Now that were in a center setting, though, it was proving to be an issue. We let the center know that the OT had suggested having a quiet place that he could go to to calm himself. We were working with him at home at recognizing when he needed that quiet space. At school, though, the quiet place they found for him was not anywhere near what he needed. They wanted him to go to a spot in the same room with his 23 classmates where he could sit by himself, but the noise was still too much. Suggestions on lighting and visual cues from the OT were not taken. In the end, they just didn't have the manpower/resources/time/patience to deal with a kid who was not a cookie cutter/seen-but-not-heard kid and we were, yet again, asked to leave.

Am I bitter? Hell yes...even still. I hate that we had so much stress in our lives at that time. I hate that my son thought that he was a "bad" kid. I hate that no consideration was given to the fact that this child had gone through several major life changes in the months leading up to that mess. I hate that we felt like we were failing as parents...that I was constantly on the defensive and feeling like I had something to prove when I walked in there. I hate that our entire focus was on Sam and Grace was getting a limited amount of our energy during this time. I hate that they kept saying that they were trying to help us, yet didn't take any of the suggestions from the OT and try to implement them into their center. I hate that I cried in front of them.

Am I thankful for any of it? No. What I'm thankful for, though, is where we landed. The journey sucked, but, in the end, I begged and pleaded to go part-time at work and got it. We found a nanny that loves our kids and a Christian preschool with small classrooms and loving, caring teachers who took the time to listen to our concerns and implement routines in the classroom that helped our little man adapt to a normal school environment. And over the past year, we have seen Sam mature into a kid who can handle most situations on his own while keeping his emotions in check.

So, now was the time to write this post. Because two weeks ago, the kids finished up their year at Crossroads. We enjoyed an end-of-the-year program with several songs, diplomas, smores and a tear-jerking slideshow before we said our good-byes to the lovely women who invested their Tuesday and Thursday mornings into the development of our children for the past several months.

last day of school

Grace with her certificate

waiting to go on stage

Sam with his certificate

Now was the time to write this post because I had to remind myself where we were a year ago, how far we've come and what wonderful things the staff at Crossroads has done for my children. I had to boost my confidence in my parenting skills and build my confidence up for the big change in the fall when Sam starts kindergarten at a new school and Grace moves to the pre-K program there. (If only Crossroads had an elementary school!) The bad memories of the past are starting to fade. Which has me hopeful that the bitterness will be close behind.

Yes, where we landed definitely far exceeded my expectations...and for that, I'm thankful.