Four

Dear Sam,
I can hardly believe today is your fourth birthday. Four years ago today, I was holding you in my arms and thinking to myself that I could hardly believe you had finally arrived. And now, you're this little man with your own thoughts, likes, dislikes, obsessions, quirks.

I love your imagination. I love that you can get so engrossed in make-believe play that the world around you stops. I love your artwork...your imagination feeds it and it is always amazing to me.

I love that you are obsessed with music.

I love that you will think about a conversation for extended periods of time and will ask me a question about it hours, or even days, after I thought the discussion had ended.

I love that you hate to have messy hair. The fact that you love the sprinkler but hate the shower makes me smile.

I love your little character voice with the southern accent that comes out when you are pretending to be a fireman, a construction worker, a grocery store clerk, an adventurer, a farmer or a cowboy.

I love that you still love your raggedy old stuffed bear.

I cried when you told me last week that you didn't want to play at school anymore and would just stay home, instead, because I take too long to get to school after work. I'm hoping I can give you a late birthday present sometime this year and find a happy medium so we can spend more time together.

I'm dreading the day I have to send you off to real school. Even though I'll be so proud of you, I'm sure it will make me miss my baby even more than I do now.

I wish I could give you Rascal Flatts for your 5th birthday, like you've been requesting. I may have to get creative with that one :)

I'm really excited for your birthday party on Saturday with your school friends...I felt so guilty having to move you to another state right before your birthday last year...I'm elated you'll get to have a big celebration this year with your friends.

It makes me both sad and happy that you have changed my title from "Mommy" to "Mom" in recent months.

I miss that baby I held four years ago today, but I could not have asked for a better 4 years watching you grow and develop into your own little self. Even though I'm desperately trying to hold onto to you as a little boy as long as I can, I am, at the same time, excited to get to know the person you will become. Everyday, you just add more reasons to love you.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Man. I hope it's all you've been hoping for.

Love, Mom