Four

My baby turned four today. Which is good for my heart and breaks it at the same time. My baby turned FOUR!

She's my little old soul. My beautiful, bossy, sassy, stubborn, clumsy, silly packrat. The mini mommy of the family. My dancer girl.

When she wakes up in the morning, she sucks her thumb for about 10 minutes then talks for the next 110 minutes. You've never heard such a booming voice out of such a little being before.

Her daily diet includes at least two slices of cheese stolen out of the refrigerator when no one is looking...and we usually find the wrappers hidden under the couch! She is the snack queen who doesn't have much interest in actual meals. She's my skinny mini...my leggy blonde who towers above the other girls in her preschool class.

She loves her brother and daddy, even if it is tough love sometimes! She loves her pink blankie, Barbies, swinging on the swings, Scooby-Doo and crackers. She loves the idea of riding her bike or scooter, but usually ends up ditching it so mommy can carry it home.

She's a pro at fixing her own sandwich and writing her name and taming Molly the beast.

She is a night owl like her mommy...she'll be perfect at the rarely sleeping thing if she becomes a mommy one day.

She has an answer for ANY question. She remembers everything and loves to learn. And she knows the words to every song on the radio.

When calm, she reasons better than most adults I know. She has strong emotions, but is careful about showing them.

And, well, she's pretty much amazing.
Happy 4th Birthday, Lu! We love you soooo much!

tiny dancer

Nine months of weekly classes and we found ourselves preparing for the big show last week. Grace was to perform on stage at the Lexington Opera House. We had guests coming into town for the show, so I was really trying to talk it up to her. The last few weeks of class had been iffy...she seemed a little over dance. If they had held the final recital a month earlier, I wouldn't have been nervous, but the last four weeks of class, she didn't want much to do with it, so I was a little nervous that she would be that little girl who just stands there! She didn't even seem excited about getting all dressed up for dress rehearsal until I asked her if she wanted to hop on the webcam so Grandma could watch her get her makeup on. That seemed to turn things around. By the time we got into the car to go, she was all smiles:

And once we got there, she was fascinated watching the competitive high school dance teams that would take the stage before her. So, when it was her turn to get on stage, she gave it her all...and I was able to capture a little of it on film (since we weren't allowed to record on show night). You can see her in the middle of the back row:

The night before the show, Grandma Sharon, Papa Mike, Grandma Donna, Aunt Sarah, Caleb and Graham all rolled into town. Saturday was a whirlwind. Before Kris, his parents and his grandma whisked Sam off to his last soccer game, Sam and Daddy presented Grace with some flowers to mark the big occasion:

While Sam earned his season trophy with his crowd looking on across town, I got Grace ready for the show while Sarah and Caleb waited for Graham's sitter. One last pic before leaving the house:

Then, the four of us headed downtown to drop Grace off backstage and meet the rest of the crew.

Thankfully, one of the backstage moms was on the ball and brought the girls crayons and coloring books to keep them busy while they waited to go on stage. The poor little things had to stay backstage the whole time waiting their turn instead of getting to watch the show.

While the little girls colored, we were watching the dance teams and listening to the emcee for the afternoon, which was a very odd scenario. Has anyone watched the show Parks & Recreation of NBC? The emcee that day showed me how very real that tv show is portraying city government! We were totally cracking up...this guy was reading advertisements for all sorts of Lexington Parks & Rec activities that will be going on throughout the summer in between each act. Kris and I were in hysterics! :)

When our little girls finally did take the stage, they did great! Grace did even better than dress rehearsal night; she didn't watch the kid next to her once during the show performance!

After the show, Grace was greeted on the street by her entourage who showered her with flowers. :)

Okay, maybe someone was a little overwhelmed by the end (that's what happens when preschoolers are scheduled to be on stage during the time when they are normally scheduled to be napping!):

It was a fun day, though, with tons of excitement. And, I'm pretty sure Grace and Sam would join me in saying that we all missed dance class a little this past Wednesday. It was a great year...Grace got to dance and make friends, Sam befriended some of the other dancer girl's siblings and I befriended a couple of the other moms. Looking to plan play dates during that time, now, instead, for the summer.

And, since Grace was so enthralled with the older girls participating in the recital, she has decided that she definitely wants to dance again next year...YAY! It totally beats sitting outside watching sports for me. Thank you, God, for giving me a girl who is starting to get in to girly things...I think I see Manhattan in her future. Okay, let's just try another year of Kiddie Kapers first and see how it goes.

a victory

I've been thinking about writing this post for a long time but I never felt ready. Now, I'm ready.

My kid was kicked out of daycare. Twice. There...I finally said it.

When all of this shook down over a year ago, our world was turned upside down. First, one daycare sprung the news on us when we had never really been alerted to what they referred to as a growing issue. On a few occasions, a teacher would mention some normal incident that one would expect in a room full of three-year-olds, but nothing that led us to believe that there was an ongoing problem in the classroom. As they basically showed us the door that day, they were sure to label my loving child as "aggressive". In a way, we were thrilled to be leaving, because we had been less than satisfied with that center from the get-go and were on waiting lists at several other locations. On the other hand, it would have been nice to leave on our own terms.

At that point, we were able to get into one of the centers we had been eyeing. They didn't have room where they needed it for Sam, but said they could place him with the next class up and just not move him up when the others moved up. I hated the idea of that because here was this kid who had been moved to a new state, a new home, a new daycare, now another new daycare and, in another 6 weeks, would have a new set of kids in his world when he would just be getting used to the ones he was about to meet. But, we were kind of stuck...had to take the offer or continue to struggle with balancing work in the midst of daycare limbo.

At the second center, I shared my concerns. I let them know of the issues the other center had informed us of as they were escorting us out. I made them aware that I wanted daily updates and detailed reports and even phone calls at work if they thought it was necessary for me to talk to him. They seemed sensitive to our concerns.

But, as the months rolled on, our stresses mounted. I was receiving calls at work several times a day...it started to feel like we were constantly focusing on the bad and no one was telling him when he was doing something good. At the same time, they were diverting to me too often and establishing no authority over him. We suggested reward systems, which he would talk about excitedly at home, but they weren't being stuck with at school. Comparisons were being made to other children...expectations were high...three-year-olds were expected to follow the routines and lesson plans of a kindergartener.

When the center suggested that we consult a behavioral specialist, we agreed, because we did not want to have to switch centers again...we wanted to maintain a constant in his life that had not had a constant for several months since we had moved. The behavoiral specialist suggested that it wasn't behavioral, but sensory, and then referred us to an occupational therapist for an evaluation. We agreed, again needing to stick with it, but with underlying doubt that that was the right move.

The occupational therapist diagnosed him in the gray area between "developmental immaturity" and "sensory processing disorder". She said he definitely had some sensory "quirks" going on which was not news to us. Multisensory processing was amongst the quirks. If there were several things going on in the same area, he had a hard time bringing his focus down to one thing. On the other hand, though, once he did bring his focus down, he was overfocusing which led to him missing social cues which led to outbursts.

These were all things we knew and had adapted to at home and his old sitter in Ohio had adapted to in her home. Now that were in a center setting, though, it was proving to be an issue. We let the center know that the OT had suggested having a quiet place that he could go to to calm himself. We were working with him at home at recognizing when he needed that quiet space. At school, though, the quiet place they found for him was not anywhere near what he needed. They wanted him to go to a spot in the same room with his 23 classmates where he could sit by himself, but the noise was still too much. Suggestions on lighting and visual cues from the OT were not taken. In the end, they just didn't have the manpower/resources/time/patience to deal with a kid who was not a cookie cutter/seen-but-not-heard kid and we were, yet again, asked to leave.

Am I bitter? Hell yes...even still. I hate that we had so much stress in our lives at that time. I hate that my son thought that he was a "bad" kid. I hate that no consideration was given to the fact that this child had gone through several major life changes in the months leading up to that mess. I hate that we felt like we were failing as parents...that I was constantly on the defensive and feeling like I had something to prove when I walked in there. I hate that our entire focus was on Sam and Grace was getting a limited amount of our energy during this time. I hate that they kept saying that they were trying to help us, yet didn't take any of the suggestions from the OT and try to implement them into their center. I hate that I cried in front of them.

Am I thankful for any of it? No. What I'm thankful for, though, is where we landed. The journey sucked, but, in the end, I begged and pleaded to go part-time at work and got it. We found a nanny that loves our kids and a Christian preschool with small classrooms and loving, caring teachers who took the time to listen to our concerns and implement routines in the classroom that helped our little man adapt to a normal school environment. And over the past year, we have seen Sam mature into a kid who can handle most situations on his own while keeping his emotions in check.

So, now was the time to write this post. Because two weeks ago, the kids finished up their year at Crossroads. We enjoyed an end-of-the-year program with several songs, diplomas, smores and a tear-jerking slideshow before we said our good-byes to the lovely women who invested their Tuesday and Thursday mornings into the development of our children for the past several months.

last day of school

Grace with her certificate

waiting to go on stage

Sam with his certificate

Now was the time to write this post because I had to remind myself where we were a year ago, how far we've come and what wonderful things the staff at Crossroads has done for my children. I had to boost my confidence in my parenting skills and build my confidence up for the big change in the fall when Sam starts kindergarten at a new school and Grace moves to the pre-K program there. (If only Crossroads had an elementary school!) The bad memories of the past are starting to fade. Which has me hopeful that the bitterness will be close behind.

Yes, where we landed definitely far exceeded my expectations...and for that, I'm thankful.

throwback...

I know, I know (Claire!)...I've been ignoring the blog. We've had an eventful couple of weeks...wrapping up the preschool school year, wrapping up soccer, wrapping up the year of dance with the big recital and celebrating the upcoming 4th birthday. Not to mention a houseful of visitors this past weekend. See what I mean? I am preparing posts...I swear. In the meantime, this post will have to do to tide everyone over and feed their withdrawals they're having from my lack of witty writing and gripping life events...haha :) Anyway, I was feeling nostalgic in the weeks leading up to Grace's stage debut dancing at the Lexington Opera House, so I dug out one of my old costumes and had her try it on. The elastic was shot on the tutu, but we were able to rig it up for a pic.

Like mother, like daughter...

Me & Sarah, circa 1986(ish)
Sarah may kill me for posting this, but I couldn't resist!

Grace, 2010

More to come very soon, impatient sister who usually only updates her own blog once in a blue moon (I'm just saying...). :)

Happy Mother's Day!

I received an e-mail forward this week multiple times, and even though I never send forwards, I felt compelled to pass this along to some of the special mamas in my life, then compelled to share it here for all those mamas who read this blog. This pretty much sums up why, after spending the better part of today cleaning out the basement storage room, I made sure that the broken down crib was placed back in for safe keeping...just in case. Yes my kids are 5 and almost 4 and veterans of crib sleeping...but a girl can dream, right? :) Happy Mother's Day!

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control

of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up repeatedly in the middle of the night
to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.

morning soccer...

A photographic journey by Grace M.:

I love that last one with the toe of her pink shoe showing. :)

making Grandma Pat proud

Grace is turning 4 at the end of this month. My mom is having her knee replaced this coming Friday. Timing was an issue. You see, my mom is incapable of giving late birthday presents...and she and Dad decided to give Grace an antique school desk for her birthday (not exactly shippable). So, the solution? Mom and Dad road tripped down two weekends ago to deliver the present and help Grace start celebrating her birthday 6 weeks early (hence the title...Mom's mom, Grandma Pat, loves a nice, long birthday celebration!). We had a great weekend visit full of soccer, Sequence for kids, eating and playing outside. And Mom and I even managed to squeeze in a quick trip to Kohl's, because it seems she may also be incapable of coming to Lexington without going to Kohl's. :)

This shot is probably what sealed the deal on the need for the knee replacement!

Grace was pretty proud to show Grandma and Papa that Sam gave his old tricycle to her recently. He knew she was getting a little tall for her pink tricycle and since he got a new bike for his birthday, he thought Grace might like to have his old tricycle...and his little sis was thrilled. They have their moments...love it.

Being silly with Grandma & Papa...the kids wanted to show their feet in the pictures and they thought it was hilarious when Papa suggested he and Grandma do the same :)

And here is where we can find Grace on a regular basis ever since she accepted her birthday delivery: at her desk coloring with her Color Wonder markers (a.k.a. the best markers ever created).

Thanks for coming down, Grandma & Papa!

Keeneland!

Oops...this post was supposed to come in April since Keeneland is only open during the months of October of April. Oh well...only a day late.

I didn't think we were going to make it out this meet at Keeneland since we had been terrible at planning it, but leading up to the last week the ponies were racing, a friend offered up some free tickets she had won and wouldn't be able to use. So, I made last-minute plans to take the kids on my Wednesday off that week and we met Katie (Super Nanny!) there. We all had a fun time despite the fact that a horse went down during one of the later races. :( Sam loved watching the races and chatting with the people around us, and Grace, who carefully picked her outfit, hair-do and accessories for the big outing, loved the snacks! A few pics: